J'ai Claqué la Porte

So this is gonna be a pretty short post because I've been up since 2AM (word of caution, avoid going into the news writing business...working at 3AM to produce a 2 hour morning local news show on a Sunday? Um, who's going to be watching this show? Normal people should be out having fun Saturday night and not waking up at 7:30AM to watch a morning news show about the Bay Area. They should be sleeping, doing it, or at the very least taking a morning poop. So yeah, try not to get into the business that I've somehow wandered into.).

But that sort of leads to the lesson, so let's go!

Lesson 10: Always try to put your life in perspective and don't be too hard on yourself.

The more I've thought about my future opportunities, I think I've been a little hard on myself. I mean, I'm only 22 and freaking out about my future like I have family to feed (well, I hope that when you read this, I did feed you well). But the fact of the matter is that I'm only 22 and the world--at least in my young and idealistic eyes--is my oyster.

This past Friday I was SUPER stressed out because I was unsure of what my future would be at my current job. I've been saying that I would leave after my six-month contract was over because I just don't feel fulfilled there, but this past week, I've gotten the chance to shadow a photographer whose really taken me under her wing and is willing to teach me a lot about shooting and editing, which I absolutely LOVE.

The problem was that my supervisor still wants me to keep writing more and more and more and more until probably my fingers fall off and I have to learn to make my penis prehensile enough to type. Her argument, despite being in this position for six months, is that I need more writing PRACTICE. Why is it called practice when I'm writing for live TV like the other writers? I'm not sure, but my supervisor has it in her head that my writing needs to improve and I shouldn't focus so much on shooting and editing. So when the said photographer approached my supervisor about bringing me out more, I could tell she wasn't too keen on the idea. Which really pissed me off--why stop me from learning not only a USEFUL skill, but one that I'm interested in developing.

So I spent the entire day mulling over what I should do and how I should approach the situation. Should I demand I stop writing and learn how to shoot and edit better (after all, my boss ALWAYS complains about not having enough editors and photogs) or just roll over and say "I quit, because all y'all suck ass."? It was hours of conversations with friends and family before I decided to approach my supervisor and tell her straight-up that I needed to discuss how I felt I was being treated.

And you know what? It was a much more productive conversation than I thought. My supervisor still wants to push me into the writing role (despite the fact I was hired as an associate producer), but she indirectly really put my life into perspective. We discussed how I wasn't really passionate about the field of local news anymore, about where my true passion lies. I told her I'd love to work on longer-format work and ideally in documentary, which I told her, I knew would be a life of unsure and unbalanced income, but it is where my heart lies.

She tried to dissuade me saying I wouldn't get a job with a production company that makes documentaries if I haven't already won awards for what I've shot and produced and that I could be just as happy at that current station shooting longer pieces for their investigative unit (a maximum of about a 4 minute piece...not "long-format" in my opinion). But I told her no. And I was honest. I told her that I'm young, and this is honestly not the field for me. I told her that she has to have noticed that I don't have a fire in my belly like most of the people there. Most of the people there have been there for years and are looking to stay there for many more. But for myself, I would rather get fisted once a day then stay there for 20 years.

Despite her back-handed compliments and eventual vagueness as to her plans for my promotion, she really was supportive of my plans to leave. She told me that if I didn't love it here, I can't change that and if I needed to spread my wings, I should. I was really surprised by that, but she said it well in that for some people, it takes exploration to figure out their perfect fit. She said she's always known she wanted to be in news, which I respect and admire. She also told me that she hopes I can be as bossy and as demanding as she is because "Asians are too meek." Why I would want that for myself, I don't know. I'm happy being laid-back and just once I wish she could see me outside the newsroom--your daddy can be a HOOT and not any of that Asian-meek-bullshit.

So anyways, in a roundabout way, the conversation really put things in perspective. I'm only 22, and have time to figure out my life. So what if I end up being jobless for a bit? Things will work out. It's a different time that doesn't quite match up with older people's mindframes. My supervisor for example probably thinks I'm dumb for wanting to pursue other opportunities when I have my foot in the door at such a huge market newsroom, but I think she also respects that I'm unhappy there. What we talked about really just got my own feelings out on the table and laid out in a way where I really had my answer: I may lose job security if I leave, but it will also open other doors. As long as you work hard, who's to say you won't succeed? At least you tried, right? Sure, you might get bent over and get totally hardcore stuffed without lube by the world, but that's just part of the journey.

My goal isn't to settle for a job that I'm unhappy with just because it's secure and gets me money. My goal isn't to be like the people I work with that worked their way up to becoming an EP of a local news station. My goal, at least for now, is to see what the world has in store for me and hopefully rise above the occasion and show everyone there that this "meek Asian" with "no passion" that they can all suck it and sit on a pin. Now where does my job journey currently stand with this station? Well, I got suckered into writing for a few more days this week, but I also got my supervisor to agree that I get editing and shooting lessons part time. So BLAM.

So there you go. I hope that when you come across this type of situation in your life, you won't be afraid to confront the person who is making your life different in a way you don't enjoy (unless it's me...then you just gotta deal) and that you're not afraid to talk to someone like me about it. If there's one thing that I've learned here is that being honest with yourself and others is not only extremely helpful in solving your problems but pretty therapeutic and cathartic. Things are never as bad as they seem to be...and if they are, just know you have the power to change it.

I hope that in whatever you are doing, you are being supported and not listening to all those naysayers. They can't make you do what they want you to do--I've learned that. You have to figure out what you want to make out of yourself and find a way to make that happen. You only have you to listen to.

With much love,

P

Chromeo - J'ai Claqué la Porte

Don't Make Me Sad, Don't Make Me Cry

Holy moley it's been forever! I am sorry. I feel so neglectful. But if you're my kid, you'll probably be used to that. Anyways, things are good; friends have visited, I've visited home...things are looking better on the job front. Here's to an awesome new year of amazing opportunities, fun times, new friends, and other very explicit things I can't even put into words.

I know it's been basically a month since I last blogged, but let's be grateful it wasn't longer (that's what she said! OH! I hope those are still funny during your lifetime).

Why did it take me so long to blog...well, besides being really lazy (I mean, come on, I'm writing this probably YEARS before you come out of any vagina), I just didn't know what the next lesson should be.

Lesson 9: Value the people you love in your life.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I try and figure out what the next chapter in my life going to be. Am I going to stay in the Bay Area, am I going to go home to Seattle, move back to New York?...Go somewhere completely different? There's so many pros and cons to each and I don't know if there's really a right answer.

But the common string threading them all together is the people that are there. I hope that I have raised you to be socially competent to be lucky enough to have made amazing friends like I have. I also hope that I have instilled in you a true love for your family. You know, it's weird. Moving around so much, I had this weird thought in my head that it'd be so much easier if I wasn't close with my family and friends...that'd certainly make it a lot easier to leave the places I love...but then I think that my life would mean nothing without these people.

This is such a "duh!" kinda thing for most people, I think. Of course you should love your mom and dad and your sister and brother and your bestfriend and boy/girlfriend, but I think it's hard to put those feelings into perspective. The people who love you, the people you love, occupy so much of your life and enrich it in ways that money and a job can't. I know I talk a lot about finding the right job, but there's a lot to be said about finding the right people that make your life better. It hurts to not be able to hangout with my sisters, see my friends, or have dinner with my mom and dad, but that is just a symptom of love. They say absence makes the heart grow stronger, and I totally believe that to be true.

At the end of the day, your job doesn't hug you back and your money doesn't tell you it cares about you. So take some time and just THINK about how much you appreciate the loved ones in your life. Just that, is a homage to the people in your life, when you think about the people you love, why you love them, and how they have impacted your life.

This is probably the simplest lesson to date...but it's a good one. Learn to love, to be grateful, and know that the people in your life won't always be there, so cherish them while you are able to.

LOVE,
P

Lana Del Rey - Born to Die

I'm Known for Running My Mouth

Phew! It's been a very very long time! I'm very sorry! I've been really busy, lazy, and just yesterday, I fell while on a run and twisted my ankle and busted my knee. Your father is a very rugged outdoorsy man, you know. Well, that's a lie and you know it, but getting injured like that did make me feel very manly. However, I am now paying the price. My LEFT ankle and my RIGHT knee are super-swollen. So it's pretty great that BOTH my legs are effed up. It makes walking VERY easy. I'm being facetious. If you didn't catch on. I hope you did, though. Because if you didn't, I'd be really afraid you're were really dumb...and I'd be a little ashamed. What else...oh! I surprised your aunties and grandma and grandpa and great-grandma and the rest of the family for Thanksgiving! It was great. I was so clever. I'm the best son, brother, person ever! I'm amazing! You should learn to be more modest.

But onto the lesson!

Lesson 8: Don't settle.

It sounds simple, but is it really? See how I wrote that like a news tease? I am horrible at writing news teases. If you ever get into news writing-and I won't judge you if you do, but I'll think a little less of you because I hate it- don't take lessons from me. Anyways, this sort of ties into my lesson. I hope by the time you read this, you'll have realized that I raised you to be a dreamer. My own mommy and daddy and my sisters have always encouraged me to follow my passion, even when I doubted it myself. They've made me somewhat of an idealist. I don't know how much of a realist bone I have in my body (but I do have a real "bone!" hahaha...get it? I mean a boner) and I guess that's not necessarily the best thing, but I think it's a good thing to be a dreamer. I hope I have raised you to think beyond yourself and your means. Life isn't easy, but I hope you have learned that despite how difficult it can be, it's also full of opportunities and if you believe and want it enough, things will fall into place when you need them to...and well, sometimes they don't...but at least you knew you tried to make them fall into place.

But anyways, I bring this up, because I sincerely believe that every person is capable of amazing things if they think they can. I know I talk a lot about my job and how unsatisfied I am with it and that really hasn't changed. Grandpa and Grandma both think I should stay at this job because it's a job. As I see it, it's not worth it. Yes, it's a job, but I wouldn't be happy staying there. I refuse to settle. I don't enjoy the function and purpose of my job, I don't particularly like the people I work with, and it's an industry I lose more and more faith in as time goes on. So while I'm scared out of my mind, I take solace and (maybe naively) and happiness in knowing that the world is so full of opportunities. It may be because I am too much of an optimist or too much of an idealist, but that's how you get by in the world. I could leave this job and think "oh, jeez, I am so fucked. I am going to have suck dicks and sell my body to make money and then lie to my family about it during holiday gatherings and it'll get to the point where I'll have jizz in my hair because I gave a bj to some guy on the street right before I came over and people will ask 'hey, is that jizz in your hair' and I'll have to make up a lie like in 'There's Something About Mary' but everyone will have seen it and not believe me and I'll have to make up another extravagant lie that no one believes in and I'll have an emotional breakdown and have to confess to having penises in my mouth" but instead I'm going to think "I'm young, I'm capable, and I have faith that an even better opportunity will come along." Now, if you wanna think about having dicks in your mouth, that's totally fine. You are who you are.

Now I know it can sound scary to not settle, but even the people I have talked to at work agree. People who settled regret it and oftentimes, years and years after they made the decision to. The thing about settling is that when you settle, it's hard to unsettle yourself. So I hope that in your life, you make decisions not solely based on the fact that it's safe and secure, but based on the fact that you WANT to make that decision and you believe in the outcome that you want that decision to have. You deserve more than selling yourself short. Take chances, because I know I'll have raised someone that knows what they want out of life and is willing to take the risks and put in the hard work to get there.

There ya go! All done! Class adjourned.

I hope when you read this, I'm still as cool as I was when I wrote this...which is really cool. I'm hoping my dirty talk of dicks and sex will still be as popular in my speech as a parent.

Love,

Patrick

NASA ft. Kanye West, Lykke Li, Santogold - Gifted

To Learn in Life, You Have to Fall Face First, Hit Rock Bottom

Sorry it's been a while. I just had an amazing weekend with thee only David, Dennis, and Mika! Days of endless walking, nights of talking and randomness, and non-stop eating. I should've had horrible explosive diarrhea every night, but somehow I didn't. Amazing. Anyways...

Lesson 7: Realize how much your actions matter.

So once again, this lesson is derived from a day at work. Today I went out to shoot an interview with one of my favorite photographers (well, really, the photographers in general are my favorite people at the station because one off, they're guys and consequently they don't breed and breathe drama like the women in the station and secondly they're just really grounded and fun to be around.) in San Leandro. I'm interviewing our interviewee and I can hear my photog's phone buzzing non-stop. Turns out one of my senior producers is repeatedly texting him asking him where he is and why he didn't leave the footage he had shot with her the week before. So after the interview raps up, I ask him to take some broll shots of our interviewee and he asks me to make a call to my executive producer to see why the senior producer is freaking out. My EP has no idea and doesn't seem to have a clue as to what is going on and tells me she'll call me back. She calls me back and asks to speak to the photographer where she proceeds to chew him out for not leaving the footage from last week even though the senior producer (who, to her defense is usually great and very sweet) had an opportunity to call the photographer before I took him to shoot my interview.

It somehow turned into the photographer's fault that no one asked him to upload the footage. It was the end of the day on a Friday when he finished the shoot and he was around at least for twenty minutes before we left for the shoot, so plenty of time was to be had for a call to the photographer. So we talked about how poor the leadership was on the team. My EP, as we've come to realize is just a bad leader. As you've seen from my previous posts, my EP is kinda crazy sometimes, likes to shift blame, and isn't in touch with the people she works with--she basically can't lead and can't manage...two very important traits for an EP and Newsroom Manager.

The funny thing though is that my EP and the others in my unit (all girls and most with big egos...I'm not trying to be sexist, but I really believe if more guys were in our unit, things would be A LOT easier...and if you are my daughter reading this...well, I don't mind that you have a vagina...just don't be a bitch, please) is that they DON'T have a clue that the way they interact with people is the sole reason why our unit is unorganized and isn't as cohesive as it should be. It's a constant clash of egos. People talk about other people behind their backs, people have attitude, people are bossy, and my boss especially lacks any tact and any people skills. I sit at Ground Zero in my newsroom. Between all the producers and my EP and have been at the epicenter of screaming, bitchy cat-fight after cat-fight. I can literally listen to a fight and pin-point where the the conversation took a downward spiral into a fight. I can even come up with a solution of my own and think of ten different ways to diffuse a situation that the women in this unit cannot seem to figure out. It's SO simple. BE NICE. There's never an excuse to be rude. But it's just a constant butting of heads. A simple disagreement over a shot or a line of track in a story turns into a huge fight and hurt feelings. THAT'S not how you lead! The perfect example was during the interview. Instead of coming off all hot and steaming at the photographer, my EP could've easily said, "Hey, Chris, I'm sorry, but we totally forgot that you had the footage still. Do you think you could feed it back to the station when you get a chance? We really need it." Instead of what she actually said "Chris. Why didn't you think to give the footage to Jess this morning? You should've at least told her you weren't gonna be back until later today. I really don't need this drama." (Keep in mind I had put the interview I scheduled in our calendar that we ALL have access to last week AND I announced I was taking Chris for a shoot twenty minutes prior to when I left--meaning plenty of time to have gotten the footage, but apparently no one listened or cared) See the difference? My approach would've diffused the situation. My EP's just made it worse.

So in the end we talked a lot about how poor of a leader my EP is and how the catty-ness of our unit just does nothing for our team...nothing positive at least. And like I said, no one seems to notice they are killing themselves and our product in the process. I hope you can realize that the way you conduct yourself, especially when you become a leader in your own right, that people aren't dumb. They know how they feel and they know what kind of person you are through the way you interact with them and what your actions show. That saying that actions speak louder than words? COMPLETELY true. You may not notice yourself how people react to your actions, but rest assured, people are definitely paying attention and for better or worse, really adds to how people see and judge you.

There you go. Not a very entertaining read, but an important one! Do what you do, but be ready for the consequences!

Also, I hope in the future when you're reading this, McDonalds is still selling 20-chicken McNugget meals, because those are delicious.

Bye,
Patrick

Pablo - Rock Bottom

We Are Shining and Will Never be Afraid Again

Hellooooo! It's been quite a long time since I've posted. I'm sorry. I hope I'm not as neglectful when I'm an actual parent...but I probably will be, so I hope by the time you read this you've become super self-sufficient and independent--preferably moved out and not needing any financial assistance from me.

Anyways, I'm in a GREAT mood because I ran my first half-marathon. I know it's not a full one, or a triathlon, or anything spectacular, but I'm proud of myself and am glad I did it!

I'm sure my legs are gonna hate me tomorrow, but they have no choice but to deal with it.

So onto the next lesson.

Lesson 6: Always believe that things are going to work out...even if it doesn't seem like they are.

So I'm not going to lie and say that life is all kittens and sprinkles (both of which I don't like very much, so I've probably raised you accordingly. Just replace 'kittens' with something phallic/vaginal and 'sprinkles' with something nasty/sexual and I know you are my true kin) and things AREN'T always going to work out, but if you go into something thinking--or worse, believing it won't...well, that's just gonna eff you over from the get-go.

Take today's half for example. It was my first half, I was under-trained, coming from an injury and a cold, and tired from waking up at the crack of dawn. But I believed that things would work out and that, heck, if I didn't finish, I'd have fun and know I tried my best. There's always a bright side to everything (at least most things...if you're getting stabbed and murdered or cheated on or something...well....that sucks) and it's good to always have that in the back of your mind.

Or take for instance figuring out your life. As I write this I am only 22 years young, look like I'm still in high school, have the maturity of a 13 year old preteen, and the aspirations of someone far more experienced in both their work and in life. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I can and will do with my life. I have lofty goals for myself and I sometimes catch myself in a rut of "can I really do this?" or "should I give up and try something else?" But I always try and pull myself out of that, because there's no point in feeling sorry for yourself. You just have to know and believe that whatever you're aiming for, something will work out. It may not be the outcome that you wanted, but if you worked for it and if you are still passionate about it, then you can't ask for more...and if it isn't the outcome you want, then try again. That's the great thing about life and having this outlook on it--life doesn't tell you to stop and give up. You do. If you go in with a positive attitude that you know something good is going to come of your work, then do it! There's no one stopping you but yourself (unless there's some bitch like literally blocking your way from doing something...in which case, knock that bitch-ass down!).

So I know, once again, I've given you a very vague lesson, but that's because I'm still trying to learn this, too. Like I said, I'm 22 and am already worried about what I'm going to do with my life. I want big things for myself and I know part of it is my impatience and part of it is my nagging bitch-voice telling me to lower my expectations. But that's something you just need to tune out. Think big, because I know you're capable of a lot. Anyone is. Again, just think to yourself that it may take days or years, but if you really, truly, and sincerely care about something, you can't go wrong by at least trying to attain it.

I'm tired. So I'm gonna stop. Eat some ice cream. Watch some TV. BECAUSE I DESERVE IT.

Love,

P

Florence + the Machine - Spectrum

Gotta Believe We'll Make it Out Alive

MOST STRESSFUL DAY OF WORK EVER.

Lesson 5: Let your feelings be known.

Now, I think this lesson has to be taken with a grain of salt (this is such a weird expression...with a grain of salt? Why not a granule of sugar? Or a dildo?), as I don't know if this lesson is applicable to all situations, but if you take my personal example as a model, I think you'll know when to put this lesson into action.

Anyways, today I go to work and during our editorial meeting, the executive producer for the unit I work for says she wants to day-turn a package about the iPhone 4S (which, probably in the day and age you read this will be ancient. We'll all be so powerful we can probably communicate with brain waves or some crazy shit. Orrrrr, we still suck and we're at like the iPhone 100X or something and it's the same as the iPhone 4S but with an even bigger screen and more processing power! I'm going to bet you it's a portable TV that people mainly use to store porn and watch on the bus to work. I already do that, and I'm way ahead of the curve.). Our news director wasn't all too thrilled with the idea...as I agreed, why do an iPhone 4S story the day BEFORE the phone comes out? Why go through the effort of shooting a story before the main event of that story actually happens? It's like going to the hospital when your wife is in labor and snapping pics of her dilating vagina and leaving before the baby comes out--THERE'S NO POINT. But I digress...and so did the news director.

So of course, my EP sends me out on this story. FINE. I'll make it work. She sets up an interview with her daughter's boyfriend who she CLAIMS has been shopping around Verizon, Sprint, and AT&T for the best plan (the story had evolved into making clear which of the carriers had the best service plan). AND she's also super into the fact that he's had the original iPhone for four years and is finally getting a new one, the 4S. So I go to interview the guy and he is the worst person for this story. First of all, he never "shopped around" and did "research" like my boss said; he's staying on AT&T because he's on a family plan with them already. Secondly, he had no compelling reason to switch over to the iPhone 4S besides the fact that his four-year-old iPhone 1 was dying--no shit?! Your old crappy-ass phone is starting to break?? WOW! NEWSWORTHY ALERT! STOP THE PRESSES! OH MY GOSH. LET'S RUN THIS STORY NEXT TO THE ONE ABOUT HOW YOU GET SLEEPY WHEN YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP! HOLY CRAP!! AMAZING!!! So I keep interviewing him, HOPING that I can get some salvageable sound bites to use for my package, but alas, he had a horrible answer (not his fault of course) to everything. He's getting a cheaper service plan from AT&T because he's getting his very old data plan from his original iPhone grandfathered over, and he never once looked at the other carriers, and didn't have to fight in huge lines to get his iPhone 4S. He wasn't even that visibly excited to get it tomorrow. In short, nothing he said really added much to the story. So fuck, I basically had a worthless interview and nothing else set-up.

So I go with my photographer to shoot exteriors of all the carriers' stores and I luckily am able to schmooze enough with one of the store managers at Verizon to give me an interview. And once again, it's a dud. No bites about there being a huge number of sales and really nothing compelling. So I shoot with my photog for a couple hours and I head back to the station to write the script.

I finish writing, in what I think is a very impressive timeframe and give it to the reporter to read. I know what she's thinking, because I agree. The script I wrote is a piece of crap. The story is being carried on two bad interviews and a LOT of Broll. So the reporter tells our EP that she wants to kill the story or downgrade it to just a voiceover and not use the interviews I shot at all, because as I also thought, the interviews did not work with the story.

Now keep in mind, my EP said she thought the script was good, it was only until the reporter told her about how awkward of a story it was that I got the blame. My EP calls me over and says, "look, we HAVE to run this as a package" let me fix the script. So she reworks my script in a way that just changes the wording but doesn't change the impact--it's basically the same story but dressed up differently. And here she is moaning and complaining that I didn't get good enough sound-bites, because obviously, the interview she set up for me was SO brilliant and I just failed at it. And keep in mind, getting a store manager at any corporate store is hard to get the day of a story--oftentimes, these need to be set up at least hours in advance. "Well, did you try to get people on the street getting their iPhones?" "Well, you really should've gotten better sound with so and so" SERIOUSLY?! The person you told me to interview WAS NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THIS STORY. The store manager didn't have much to add that was relevant because the crux of the story is the best service plan, and he obviously touted Verizon. AND, getting people on the street to comment on the 4S? NO ONE at the Apple Store was looking for them. You can pre-order the damn things ONLINE. No one was lining up around the block for it. Jeez. And get this, she's trying to rewrite my script not knowing what "data" is and not understanding what "texting" is. WHY DID YOU TRY TO DO THIS STORY?!!?

So anyways, this starts a firestorm between the reporter and our EP; the reporter refuses to run it as a package and my EP wants her to. Basically I get caught in the middle feeling horrible. The reporter apologizes to me about the whole issue, saying that after looking through the interviews I shot, there was no way the story would work and that I did the best with what I got. My EP on the other hand kept trying to shift the blame. It was my fault that our interviewee didn't fit our story, it was my fault that I didn't get good sound. She kept asking me "what did you do for two hours in the field?" Let's see, I interviewed two people, drove around the city getting exteriors I needed and begged people at the other carriers to speak to me, and trying to get people on the street to give me better sound. She even told me it was my fault that I didn't call her to tell her that our interviews weren't working. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought when I was given a task, I'm supposed to do my best to complete it. AND, btw, don't forget, she said my script was fine before the reporter brought up her issue. So basically I'm getting the blame for something out of my control. AND she has the nerve to email me TWICE about what I could've done differently. She says that we got an email from Verizon about a 4S launch party...at 2PM. I first of all don't get those types of emails because my account isn't linked to them, and second of all, I WAS IN THE EFFING FIELD ALL DAY. WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME? There's always time for would-a, could-a, should-a, but at the end of the day, it all got fucked up...if you're just going to rub my face in it without constructive feedback, then shut up!

Sorry that was a very long story...but I had to vent, too. But at the end of this horrible horrible ordeal, the reporter sweetly asks if I'm mad at her. And of course I'm not, because I completely agree that the story was crap. I was given a bag of shit and told to make a story out of it. I'm not GOD. And you're asking a very new producer to do this? My senior producer told me turning this story would've been superhuman and that even with decades of experience she's not sure she could've salvaged it.

So here's where the lesson comes in. It may not have been the most tactful way, but I complained to my reporter, to my cameraman, my co-associate producer, and my senior producer about the way my EP handled the situation. I let them know that it was NOT my fault. I tried my best with the crappy tools and direction that were given to me. And they all agreed, I was not in the wrong. And I guess that's a pretty simple lesson. My EP may think I stunk (although I secretly think she knows she screwed up but just wants to skirt the blame), but the people who I work more closely with know that I didn't. They know I tried, they know I had very limited resources, and they know that if it really came down to it, the story was air-able. I think that's the biggest part of this lesson...letting people know how you feel. You need to be vocal about how you're treated, otherwise you'll just keep getting treated the same way. And you need to be vocal to let others know when things AREN'T your fault. This may be bad advice, but if you are raised by me, you won't be good at kissing ass. There's a fine line between being polite and kissing ass, and you better be good at just the former. Sure, you gotta play the game, but as I've said in previous lessons, try to get ahead on your merit and skill. Whether it's producing a story, getting a promotion at your job, or sucking dicks or something--always try to surpass yourself by just being you, and not a suck-up (unless you're sucking dicks).

So this was a very convoluted lesson, but take away that you just need to let those who will listen know how you feel, especially when it comes to your work. Your job will be a very big part of your life and you can't take the blame for things just because you are on the bottom of the totem pole. Like I said, my boss might think I'm a horrible producer, but I know everyone else doesn't. And just know, that by leading your life this way and being as honorable as you can, you'll be a much more effective leader. Don't shift the blame when it's yours. Take ownership of your actions. EVERYONE makes mistakes, even leaders, and you need to own up to it when you're in that position. I highly disagree with how my EP handled herself. She apologized only for arguing with the reporter in front of me and putting me in the middle, never about having poor judgement not only about our interviewee but the story in general. Just know, that if you are ever in that position, and me as well, that you better take responsibility. If my EP had just said "hey, I'm sorry about what happened, I thought our interviewee was different" the whole problem would never have existed (and to further defend my EP she was never "angry" about the situation, and was for the most part cordial about it and I'm sure the stress of the moment had a lot to do with her actions).

There you go. Be vocal. Be honest. Be yourself. Be an effective leader.

I'm tired.

Go to bed. Or something.

Peace out,

P

Mike del Rio - Mad World

My Blood is Radioactive

Hi there!

I'm in a surprisingly good mood for a Sunday night and having to work tomorrow. It's probably because I had a fun day out with friends apple-picking in Sebastopol and pumpkin patching-ing in Petaluma. And also because I had In-n-Out for the first time!! YAY! It was effing delicious. I also ate at this place called CREAM for the first time. SO GOOD. Sounds dirty, I know, but after you get their ice-cream sandwiches in your mouth...you'll be creaming...if you know what I mean. Ugh, I'm gross.

Anyways, onto the lesson, because I have to go to bed soon!

Lesson 4: Take the time to know what you want to do with your life.

I know, sounds like a big thing to accomplish, right? Well you're right, it is. That means this is something that will be hard, take a lot of self-reflection, and a lot of time.

I've been reading a lot about one's working life lately, surprisingly because of the death of former Apple CEO, Steve Jobs. After his death, I watched a YouTube video off his graduation address to a graduating class at Stanford. He basically said what my dad has always told me--to find the thing you love and enjoy, and run with it. It is only when you find that passion and that true and pure enjoyment that you can be happy AND successful.

So that is something I want you to understand. I'm probably not the best person to ask, because frankly, I have NO idea what I'm doing with my life and don't fully comprehend what your grandpa has been telling me for years.

As I've mentioned before, I'm not in love with my job. It's tolerable and at times enjoyable, but I don't wake up everyday, thinking "Damn, I can't wait to get to work!" I think more along the lines of "Fuck, I'm tired. I need to poop." Something else Jobs said is that your work takes up a very large amount of your life, so you should be spending it in a way that you truly want--I guess just living your work and not just working it.

I hope that is something that you can strive for and something, that when you get to an appropriate enough an age, can understand and put into action. I've been at this job for about three or four months now, which is nothing. But I think I can already tell that it isn't the job for me. I want it to be, because that would make life a hell of a lot easier, but unfortunately, life isn't always that nice--sometimes (s)he can be the biggest douche ever. A vag-cleansing device from hell.

And it's scary. I want to love this job because I want to know that I'll be happy in this job and secure and not have to worry about not only finding another job, but finding another job that I want. I thought I wanted to be in the TV news industry my whole life, and maybe I still do, but I have my doubts. If on a local level I don't like it, what are the chances a nationally syndicated show would be much better? So I guess the question you need to answer is whether or not you're willing to take the risk to find out. I sure as hell don't know if I am. I hope by the time you read this, I will have raised you to listen with 80% of your heart and 20% of your brain (and maybe a few percent points in there with your dick/lady-parts in the right situations). I am a firm believer of fate, but I am also a firm believer in instinct and intuition. Your brain is for thinking, but your heart is for feeling. If a situation doesn't feel right, don't follow into it, if something feels good, then go for it. Your brain can figure out the logistics later.

So after all of this, I guess I have no real how-to for this lesson. I, myself, am trying to figure out what I want to do after this stage of my life. I've thought about food journalism, video game journalism, documentary film, and even moving back into print work. I think the big thing to take away from this is not being afraid to ask yourself the hard questions and not being afraid of the answers. I hate that my answers contradict the job I'm in, but that is the most valuable thing of all. Knowing what you DON'T want to do. It's just as valuable as knowing what you do want to do. And be patient (which, I know if you have my genes workin' up in your bod, you probably won't be). The answers aren't all going to come quickly and aren't always going to be right. But that's the fun part of living your life with your heart and feeling as opposed to the logic-speak of your noggin. Life is unpredictable and so are you, so why not lead your life with the most unpredictable part of you.

I don't know where I'll end up after my job contract runs its course. I want the security of having a job and hopefully a promotion after my contract is up, but does job security outweigh feeling somewhat unfulfilled. I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens. This is horrible leading by example, but I hope that if and when you find yourself in this situation, you'll think "dad, you're dumb" and really put some thought into what you want out of your life and how you're going to get there. Just keep in mind we all tread different paths.

And I also want to thank you, because by writing this, I am learning more about myself and am feeling braver in facing myself and asking those tough questions. I am a true optimist, and I am hoping I have imparted that to you--everything will work out okay.

Lesson 4.5: Don't go through this on your own. I'm sure you have a lovely and supporting family and friend system. Use them as your resource. I know first-hand, your aunts are amazing.

I hope this isn't so melodramatic. I am writing this at 10:48PM on a Sunday night, a 22-year-old sitting in NYU sweats and a lime-green tee. It might just be the fatigue, but I think despite my youth, I have a lot on my mind I want to say. It's so weird...I feel like I'm years and years away from knowing who you are and from you actually reading this, but I feel like I sort of know you already. Jeez. I am so dramatic.

I need to sleep.

Love,

P

Marina and the Diamonds - Radioactive