Sunbeam, Stop Tugging Me

Taxis suck. I almost got hit twice today by the yellow speed-demons. I was walking back from the gym and was doing the routine NY-J-walk. I did the responsible thing and saw that the taxi from the incoming traffic was turning...or so I thought! That tricky bitch-cab had it's left blinker on but drove straight for me like a newborn baby ready to slip from a loosey-goosey vag. It was horrible. The driver even had the decency to step on his screechy breaks and stared me down like I was whore that he wanted to sleep with, but then when he got close enough, found that I was much uglier.

The second encounter was mostly my fault. I was being a lemming and followed this mass of people across the crosswalk and the taxi driver I guess was way impatient and honked at me. So either I was walking too slow, or he thought I was hot. I'm gonna say it was a hybrid of both, and say that he was honking at me because I'm so freakin' fine that he wanted me to slow my walking speed so he could more better drink me in.

Anyways. What happened today? I woke up, became a hot sweaty mess at the gym and ventured to class...but not without taking a detour to Upstein for a delicious yogurt parfait. I brought it with me to wait for my next class at Silver. I decided I was in an awkward mood and despite all the room in the hallway, I decided to sit in a corner with a nicely dressed young man with dark-rimmed glasses. I took out my parfait and noisily ate my granola and yogurt. I got some sideway glances from the guy as he buried his nose in his book, kinda saying "ugh, do you HAVE to eat that now?". But I gave him a furtive glance and stopped chewing, feeling bad. I contemplated waiting to eat the rest of the parfait and putting it away. But that thought only lasted a moment and I continued to eye him occasionally while shoveling the dairy goodness into my mouth.

Finally class started and I had a nice conversation with this girl about the first day of classes. Class started and during the ice breaker, I explained that I had finally started growing armpit hair. That's right. Armpit hair--one step closer to true manhood and more obnoxious b.o. Professor Newman is pretty badass; I can't wait to explore Brooklyn some more and possibly meet Matisyahu?! Damn, that's pretty ballin'. Anywho, Brooklyn class was fine and dandy.

I ventured to Mercer for History of the Universe and Professor Harbi turned out to be really cool as well. It was a good class, although I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the fact that I may be totally raped by the physics and mathematical stuff that is going to be going on in that class.

I met with Alexis and went to Third North to printout our new Journalism reading assignments, which included this ridiculous 124 page document about Ben Franklin. I know he was important and all, but really, how much do I really need to know about him. When someone writes a biography about me, it better be as least triple the length and be embossed with gold and diamonds--white diamonds to be exact. I felt so bad using so much paper. I'm pretty sure I have the corpses of like a bajillion trees in my backpack right now. I bet there's a mommy-tree out there looking for me, ready to beat my ass. Although, if a tree had a bajillion tree-babies, I could argue that that mommy-tree is a no-good skanky-ass ho and doesn't have the right to call me out for being a murderer, when I wasn't the slut that was spreading my roots for any stud-tree with big branches and birthing babies all the time. But who knows. I'm not going to judge.

Anways, me and Alexis got some food from Palladium and had a nice quaint dinner back in her room with an episode of Friends.

Of course, shortly after we had yet another firedrill. I swear. It's like herpes. It's always around, and you kind of forget about it, until BAM. Firedrill and genital warts! It really sucks (the drills and the herpes). I'm so glad I live on the third floor and don't have to hike all the way down to the lobby. I bet the firefighters hate us. I know I would.

I decided that I'm probably going to be a floor representative for Gramercy Hall Council...although I don't have much of a choice since I'm going abroad and am not allowed to apply for anything else.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my encounter with slow walkers on the sidewalks. I mean come on; we're in NYC, you gotta walk at a good pace. So I was walking to campus for class and of course, I end up behind this really slow walking lady. I'm like 'damn, girl, you got two legs--use 'em!' I mean, I really had no reason to be angry since I was actually really early for class, but whatever--I like to act like I'm in a hurry and am important enough to be in a rush for somewhere.

After walking behind her for a while on the narrow sidewalk, I kicked out her walker and pushed her down and took a dominating stride over her frail 80-year-old body and peaced out. I was then FINALLY able to walk on at a fast pace to class.

Well, sorry this post is not that interesting; it's late.

G'night!

-Pee Diddy.

*Frou Frou-Shh