I know, I know, I know, I always say that I hate kids, that I'm horrible with children, and that I don't want them, but the more I think about it, I believe I'll end up with at least one. Part of the fun in having a kid, at least to me, is nurturing another person to become someone better than you are, to educate them on the best way to lead a life--and that's what I'm hoping to do. In the process, I'm sure I'll learn a lot more about myself and how I choose to live. I'm no genius or licensed life coach, but my family and friends have taught me more than four years of a really expensive private college education and it is my hope that whatever fruits that fall from my loins can reap the benefits of the fortunes and lessons that have been given to me by all who enrich my life.
So here's the start of an online anthology of what I hope will give my future son, daughter, or maybe a dog, a brighter and self-assured outlook on a life that is bound to be difficult, frustrating, wonderful, enlightening, saddening, joyous, crazy, and most of all...worth it.
Here's lesson 1:
Don't take life too seriously--especially your work life. Son/daughter/Spot, when you start your first job in the real world, as many people have wisely told me, you are going to encounter the BIGGEST douches of your life. They will annoy you, they will pester you, they will micro-manage you, they will degrade you, and did I mention really annoy you? Case in point, my first boss at my first job. A super-traditional Chinese lady (who may or may not be like your future mom...let's hope not) who is irreverent, lacks any fiber of tact in her sinewy body, and I'm assuming with old age, can't seem to see past her sphere of professional work.
If I haven't told you already, kid, my first job is an associate producer with the local news in San Francisco. You may or may not choose to follow in my journalism footsteps, but a newsroom is a place where you need to see the big picture. You're producing several live shows a day and just because you get assigned one task doesn't mean you won't get pulled to another. So today, my boss told me to make calls to set up a story after our morning production meeting. Sure, cake. Make the calls, but no one's in the offices yet so I left voicemails, let my boss know, and went to work on writing some scripts for the show that she also assigned me. Cut to an hour later and a senior producer asks me to go out on a shoot with her. Gladly! Wipe to my boss calling me and asking me where I was when the producer I was with told her that I was leaving. My boss tells me to hurry back because I need to finish writing the scripts. Of course! Fade out. Fade in to me walking back to the newsroom and my boss immediately asking me if I had set up the stories yet. I reply that I've only been back a few minutes and haven't had a chance to check my voicemails. Transition to a reporter telling me to produce her voiceover for the five o'clock show which comes with several roadbumps. And finally a dramatic finish with me making deadline for the reporter's live-shot three minutes before air time. I'm patting myself on the back when my boss comes over and tells me she's been on the phone for ten minutes, set up the story from this morning and that I need to be more aggressive when setting something up. She reasoned "what if we needed to shoot that story today?" She touted how easily she was able to set up a shoot and harped on the fact that I had failed and that apparently was my only work for the day, as I should've been making calls up until I left for the shoot and not write the scripts she assigned me to write...or something.
I could've told her "hey lady. YOU gave me work to do while trying to pursue this story. YOU told me it didn't have to be turned for today. YOU told me to produce the reporter's VO. YOU told me to work on other things. Why is it MY fault that I had no time to set-up an interview?YOU apparently had the time, so why didn't YOU take the initiative and do it yourself in the first place? SURE I should be more aggressive, but I need TIME to be aggressive." Now that would've felt good to say, but I didn't of course. Because, my child, your father has self-control. And, I would've gotten fired.
But here's where the real lesson is. In the workplace, sometimes you have to drop your feelings at the door. No matter what industry it is. No matter how passionate you are about your job, how much you love your coworkers, you're likely going to fuck up or be in a position where you feel attacked and feel like you've been wronged when you shouldn't have to. But that's life, buddy. You just have to learn to bite your tongue, maybe even until it bleeds, because the truth of the matter is, you're not getting paid to have someone be nice to you. Sometimes, you'll need to look at it as your boss trying to better you--being hard on you because she wants you to be better. Sure, it may not be the most constructive way, but to each their own right? There's probably a reason why your boss is your boss. You don't have to agree with how you're treated, but what you have to do is not take everything to heart (and believe me, that's hard to do, especially if you have my blood in your veins, 'cause your pop-pop is a crier and a very very sensitive man) and believe that no matter how much you feel like punching your boss in the ovaries and titty-slapping her boobs, it's a learning experience and probably most of the time, your boss doesn't mean to sound like a douche. Some people just never learn how to speak to others in a way that is both constructive and polite. So give people a chance, don't sweat it, and keep your mouth shut. Take solace in the fact that once YOU get up to the top, you'll treat your colleagues better. You'll be better. And maybe, once you're at the top, you can look back and say 'thank you. thank you for being an asshole.' Because your boss being an asshole just might've helped you to where you wanna be.
All the best m'boy/girl/puppy.
Much love. Enjoy the first lesson.
Florence + the Machine - Shake it Out
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