Anyways, it's been about two months into this job and I'm still not loving it, but it's tolerable and I'm really feeling like I'm learning a lot and garnering skills that are good to have (yeah, my sisters were right), albeit, I don't know how much I'll use them depending on where I want to end up, but it's definitely not a bad thing. But I think I've come to the realization that I don't think I can be in this industry for forever. It's too confining, too corporate, too manufactured--all things I don't think journalism should be. The more experiences I have in this job and in this field, I come to see that the news, at least on a local level is just not for me. I feel like I can't be myself and can't utilize who I am as a person to contribute as meaningfully as I'd like to.
I am passionate about journalism because I strongly believe in being informed, mining stories from people that the public wouldn't get to hear otherwise, and invigorating the minds of viewers and readers--as journalists, we are storytellers, raconteurs. At this station, I don't see this. On this level, we have become a business, a machine. From what I can see, we aggregate stories from other sources and regurgitate them. We don't hunt for the stories as regularly as I think we should--I feel we lack originality. Granted, maybe the intentions of my news director and the producers and the reporters are to create original and interesting content, but whether by business and monetary circumstances, the intentions aren't backed by anything substantive.
And I can't handle this whole corporate ladder feeling in the newsroom. My supervisor told me I'd have to play a lot of "office politics" to get ahead in this industry. But why?! For most who know me, I'm a horrible ass-kisser. I don't think your position and your stature in a company should dictate how much affected behavior and fake respect you should get. Your character, your proven work ethic, and your respect for others as far as I'm concerned, should be the only barometers for how much reverence you get from me. I shouldn't have to stick my nose up your anus and sniff your colon to get ahead. I should be recognized for my determination to be a good journalist, producer, writer, whatever role you need me for. Now there's a fine line between learning from those above you and forming a bond with them to get the best education you can and just being a tool and riding someone's dick to get ahead. The way I see it, if you learn and put your best foot forward and get ahead that way, you'll be way better off than the ass-kisser who got ahead with nothing to show for it. I'm not saying this newsroom is a horrible representation of this type of environment. I've met great people who have taken me under their wing, but there are also a good number of people eating crap for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and in-between-meal snacks to get on the higher-ups good sides. Sure, they may be the faves, but I can say that for myself, I can't go home and feel good about it.
I just can't wait to be in a leadership position where I treat interns like I treat my most experienced. I can't wait to treat a team like equals where people don't need to plot out their next move in the newsroom or office. I can't wait to be a kickass leader-man.
I also can't get with how ironically inhuman this industry is. I remember the first week I worked here, the executive producer was approached by our assignment editor who told him "a kid fell out his window, should we send a crew there?" And my EP's response? "did he die? I only care if he died." What? WHAT. I remember that moment vividly because that was one of the first times I've actually felt my heart drop. I couldn't believe I was part of the newsroom, part of the machine at that moment. And there have been numerous times when stories about death, about disaster, about true human experiences that my colleagues laugh-off as not "newsworthy" because it's not "sexy" enough, won't draw in enough viewers. I know it's the real world and if we don't get viewers we don't have a news program, but that's just my problem with it precisely. I know it's not a perfect world...but it's just not for me. This is why I think I'm so in love with documentary films. They tell stories that are compelling without sacrificing the human aspect. It tells a story that doesn't necessarily "matter" but it allows us as a people to more deeply connect by hearing a (wo)man's story. Journalism shouldn't be all about the fire that killed a mother of two, or that Target is eliminating Cadmium from their jewelry lines. It has it's place...but I guess it's not for me.
Anywayyysssss this is hella long and I hope you clicked back a long time ago because this is probably only interesting to read to me.
But I'll end this on a funny note that I mentioned on my Facebook.
I was going to the bathroom the other day to head back to my desk and my favorite producer (who unfortunately transferred to a station in San Diego today) was having a really animated discussion with a writer in which she decided to take off her cardigan. The problem was she was wearing a loose-fitting camisole underneath with no bra. So when she took off her cardigan her camisole almost came off and her right boob half slipped out. I just so happen to make eye contact with her right when I walked by and she gave me a very "ew, perv!" glare. It wasn't my fault! But I can see why she might think I was trying to sneak a peek at her bubbie.
I need to find some time to type up the other awkward stories that have happened to me here in the Bay Area...but until next time...
Happy weekend,
P
M83 - Midnight City
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