I'm in a surprisingly good mood for a Sunday night and having to work tomorrow. It's probably because I had a fun day out with friends apple-picking in Sebastopol and pumpkin patching-ing in Petaluma. And also because I had In-n-Out for the first time!! YAY! It was effing delicious. I also ate at this place called CREAM for the first time. SO GOOD. Sounds dirty, I know, but after you get their ice-cream sandwiches in your mouth...you'll be creaming...if you know what I mean. Ugh, I'm gross.
Anyways, onto the lesson, because I have to go to bed soon!
Lesson 4: Take the time to know what you want to do with your life.
I know, sounds like a big thing to accomplish, right? Well you're right, it is. That means this is something that will be hard, take a lot of self-reflection, and a lot of time.
I've been reading a lot about one's working life lately, surprisingly because of the death of former Apple CEO, Steve Jobs. After his death, I watched a YouTube video off his graduation address to a graduating class at Stanford. He basically said what my dad has always told me--to find the thing you love and enjoy, and run with it. It is only when you find that passion and that true and pure enjoyment that you can be happy AND successful.
So that is something I want you to understand. I'm probably not the best person to ask, because frankly, I have NO idea what I'm doing with my life and don't fully comprehend what your grandpa has been telling me for years.
As I've mentioned before, I'm not in love with my job. It's tolerable and at times enjoyable, but I don't wake up everyday, thinking "Damn, I can't wait to get to work!" I think more along the lines of "Fuck, I'm tired. I need to poop." Something else Jobs said is that your work takes up a very large amount of your life, so you should be spending it in a way that you truly want--I guess just living your work and not just working it.
I hope that is something that you can strive for and something, that when you get to an appropriate enough an age, can understand and put into action. I've been at this job for about three or four months now, which is nothing. But I think I can already tell that it isn't the job for me. I want it to be, because that would make life a hell of a lot easier, but unfortunately, life isn't always that nice--sometimes (s)he can be the biggest douche ever. A vag-cleansing device from hell.
And it's scary. I want to love this job because I want to know that I'll be happy in this job and secure and not have to worry about not only finding another job, but finding another job that I want. I thought I wanted to be in the TV news industry my whole life, and maybe I still do, but I have my doubts. If on a local level I don't like it, what are the chances a nationally syndicated show would be much better? So I guess the question you need to answer is whether or not you're willing to take the risk to find out. I sure as hell don't know if I am. I hope by the time you read this, I will have raised you to listen with 80% of your heart and 20% of your brain (and maybe a few percent points in there with your dick/lady-parts in the right situations). I am a firm believer of fate, but I am also a firm believer in instinct and intuition. Your brain is for thinking, but your heart is for feeling. If a situation doesn't feel right, don't follow into it, if something feels good, then go for it. Your brain can figure out the logistics later.
So after all of this, I guess I have no real how-to for this lesson. I, myself, am trying to figure out what I want to do after this stage of my life. I've thought about food journalism, video game journalism, documentary film, and even moving back into print work. I think the big thing to take away from this is not being afraid to ask yourself the hard questions and not being afraid of the answers. I hate that my answers contradict the job I'm in, but that is the most valuable thing of all. Knowing what you DON'T want to do. It's just as valuable as knowing what you do want to do. And be patient (which, I know if you have my genes workin' up in your bod, you probably won't be). The answers aren't all going to come quickly and aren't always going to be right. But that's the fun part of living your life with your heart and feeling as opposed to the logic-speak of your noggin. Life is unpredictable and so are you, so why not lead your life with the most unpredictable part of you.
I don't know where I'll end up after my job contract runs its course. I want the security of having a job and hopefully a promotion after my contract is up, but does job security outweigh feeling somewhat unfulfilled. I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens. This is horrible leading by example, but I hope that if and when you find yourself in this situation, you'll think "dad, you're dumb" and really put some thought into what you want out of your life and how you're going to get there. Just keep in mind we all tread different paths.
And I also want to thank you, because by writing this, I am learning more about myself and am feeling braver in facing myself and asking those tough questions. I am a true optimist, and I am hoping I have imparted that to you--everything will work out okay.
Lesson 4.5: Don't go through this on your own. I'm sure you have a lovely and supporting family and friend system. Use them as your resource. I know first-hand, your aunts are amazing.
I hope this isn't so melodramatic. I am writing this at 10:48PM on a Sunday night, a 22-year-old sitting in NYU sweats and a lime-green tee. It might just be the fatigue, but I think despite my youth, I have a lot on my mind I want to say. It's so weird...I feel like I'm years and years away from knowing who you are and from you actually reading this, but I feel like I sort of know you already. Jeez. I am so dramatic.
I need to sleep.
Love,
P
Marina and the Diamonds - Radioactive
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